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​This week I became a Heart Sister.

Photo by kind permission of
That is to say I joined a website for those of us who concern ourselves with PPCM - or pregnancy induced heart failure to the uninitiated.​

It may seem like an odd thing to do to join an organisation that involves itself with a condition you used to have, but for me it feels entirely fitting.

When I had Esme and my heart went into failure, the single hardest part was the big fat question mark that suddenly hung over my life.

We don't know what happened. We don't why it happened. We don't know if you will recover. We don't know how to treat you. We don't know if you can have more children. We don't know, we don't know, over and over.

Hindsight being what it is, now, I know.

I know I either had a Takotsubo reaction, or PPCM during Esme's section. I know that I could have taken Beta Blockers and still breastfed. I know that I could have more children and I know that for me, recovery has been complete.

I know these things because I went out and found the answers for myself.

Becoming a Heart Sister means I can share what I know with scared and vulnerable women who are left facing the hell of "don't know" when they should be enjoying becoming a mama. I can talk to professionals about how to avoid making "don't know" feel like a black hole of despair. I can talk to other PPCM survivors and we can look past the "don't know" together.

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