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OK so at this point, my handy little phone gadget is telling me I am growing a kumquat. In fact the makers of this app seems a little obsessed with food because so far every week I am told both the size of my baby, and the size of my uterus in fruit measurements (this week my uterus is a grapefruit).

Guys, may I suggest you feed your content team because there is something a little weird about turning a pregnancy into a fruit salad.

You'll all be pleased to know that other than reading some books and listening to the VBAC Hypno Birthing CD once (I decided the M25 was a BAD place to be releasing all that emotion) I have done very little except lie on the sofa and fall asleep while it's still light outside.

I suck at this second time round thing - but it is OK, all will be well. I'm putting all my metaphorical eggs in the basket called second trimester when the Yik will have packed itself off and I will feel human again.

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