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Sometimes things take over and what you need is to step back and take a deep breath and a long drink from a bottle of rioja.

My best friend’s pregnant. And I’m made up for her, but coming at the first anniversary of Keith and I starting to try, it came as a kick in the metaphoricals as well.

I’m glad though, it helped me let go of that last little bit of positivity and hope I had and just give up entirely. I needed to do it, I needed to stop taking the vitamins and aspirin, I needed to let my hair down and enjoy some serious wine this festive season and Keith and I needed to remember what it was like to keep the neighbours up for no other reason than ‘just because’.

2009 has come now, with no huge fanfare but quietly, and with a reassurance that I haven’t known before.

For me, there is the sure and certain knowledge that I have a husband I adore, two dogs who adore me, a house I love and a family who drive me nuts, but who I would miss if they didn't.

I really don’t care anymore about timings and calendars and cycles and supplements and my body being a temple. My body wants to be a den of iniquity for a while, and I for one am not going to put the kibosh on that!!

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