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Petit Revanche

I am tired today:

The children have colds and are up half the night coughing and last night I was up until gone midnight because Keith went visiting on his bike and ran out of fuel on the way home because he "couldn't be bothered to stop".

I once heard Sara Cox talk about "little revenge" - the sort where you accidentally add a bit too much salt to someone's sandwich, or forget to sugar their tea - and I'll put my hand up, I saw an opportunity this morning and I went for it:

R2D2, the most annoying message alert in a long list of annoying message alerts.
Tell me you wouldn't have done the same.

Friday, 12 October 2012 Comments: 0
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How to Make a Neep From An Old Jumper

I have found it so hard to write about how I made a Neep, mainly because everything I wrote made it sound like I live in a Martha Stewart-esque bubble of domestic bliss where nothing could be further from the truth. The reality is my crafting is powered by impatience and sheer blind luck.

If however, like Alfie, your children are fans of the series Abney and Teal, you might be surprised to know how easy it is to make them a Neep out of an old jumper. Also there are no nice Neep dolls to be bought, so it's either make your own, or draw a face on a real life turnip and hope your child doesn't notice.

I chose an old Christmas gift that just happened to be pure wool and put it through the washing machine on a hot wash to felt it so that it would be easier to work.

I went online and printed out a photo of Neep A3 size. Nothing special, just a pose I thought would work well as an outline.

Neep from Abney and Teal

I cut out my template, placed it on my jumper and drew round it. I wanted a rustic look to my Neep so I decided to cut out the jumper and sew it with the seams on the outside. It also means that the finer detail (like the end of the limbs) aren’t lost by the bulk of the wool.

I used a simple assembly stitch on the seams and then a decorative stitch to sew the outline of the nose. The eyes were buttons and the mouth I hand stitched with the thickest thread I could find.

Homemade Neep from Abney and Teal - Face Detail

One word about the dye: I used Dylon hand dye made up as concentrated as I could and sat my Neep in it for 2 hours in total. Wool is justifiably known for not accepting dye easily! The nose I coloured by ‘painting’ the dye with a cotton bud. If I had more patience, I would have given Neep several more sittings. But I don't.

Homemade Neep from Abney and Teal - Graduation Dye

After he was coloured it was a simple case of stuffing and closing and waiting for Alfie's birthday to role around. For my own sanity I asked Keith to hide him somewhere even I couldn't find him - just in case I caved and gave it to him early.

Homemade Neep from Abney and Teal - Finished Face

Not that it would matter because it turns out (after the fact) that Alfie's favourite character is actually Bop. In this house, that name now comes with several swear words attached.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012 Comments: 1
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The Beginner's Guide to Emmie Expressions - I Love You, You Clown!

Emmie is completely and totally in love with her big brother, mostly because she thinks he is a complete numpty. A funny one.


This photo was taken at lunch, while Alfie was very kindly keeping Emmie amused for me so she wouldn't realise I was trying to shovel medicine down her.

We live in hope that she might actually cut a tooth some time before her first birthday.
Sunday, 7 October 2012 Comments: 0
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My Son Has Zero Sense Of Self Preservation

I know science says that animals are unable to commit suicide because they have no sense of self, but there do seem to be some who have less sense than others: I think specifically of lemmings and pheasants here.

Now please add to that list my son. It appears that Alfies have no sense either.


Also add to the list of notable things in life that no good conversation started with the words “Now don’t panic” and that nursery staff have not seen it all.

My son was at nursery yesterday when for reasons best known to himself, he took a small metal ball and decided that the best place to hide it from his key worker was in his mouth. While she was changing him.

I know! There are welcome mats that know not to pull dumb shit like that!

The end result was both predictable, and suitably dramatic:

My son went very quiet, his key worker hauled him to his feet, walloped him on the back and the small metal ball went flying across the room. Then my son did what any self-respecting nearly 3 year old would do and ran off like nothing had happened leaving his poor key worker in need of a stiff drink and a lie down.

All of which just serves to demonstrate two important things: First aid saves lives and whatever they pay nursery workers, it’s never going to be enough to get those grey hairs coloured.
Saturday, 6 October 2012 Comments: 2
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Looks My Girl Rocks: Le Chic

It occurred to me today that Emmie has some awesome outfits that manage to be both girlie and non pink.

So I thought I’d share one of them.

Add caption

I need to capture these fleeting moments when Emmie looks like she was actually dressed (as opposed to being thrown at a pile of clothes) because by mid morning you can guarantee there’s been a poo-splosion.

By the time I get home in the evening, she is normally looks like the kid who forgot their PE kit and got forced to raid the leftovers box. Was my school the only one that had one of those? I remember the threat alone of having to wear something 3 sizes too big and smelling vaguely of mould and pee was enough to make damn sure I wasn’t caught short.

Aaaaahaha y’see what I did there? I made a little joke. Yay me.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012 Comments: 0
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