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We eat a lot of watermelon, mostly because it is one of the few fruit that Miss Olive will allow to pass her lips. That wasn't always the case, at first her opinion of watermelon was the same as any other fruit and could probably be best described as deep mistrust.

Then I took a gamble and shoved a small piece into he mouth mid complaint and lo, she doth adore the melon made of water.

Eating watermelon can be a great lesson in how plants grow

But that's not the real story here, the story is the story that I have to tell the children every single time we eat watermelon (which as I have already mentioned is A LOT) so I thought it might be nice to write it down ready for the moment we have to write wedding speeches:

The scene is set; Keith has brought the melon to the table on a board and is busy cutting it into cubes when one of the children, usually Esme, will turn a furrowed brow to me:

Child: Tell us the story of the pits

Me: Again?! OK, so once there was a watermelon plant who wondered how it could get its seeds far away so they could grow in their own soil.

Child: And a dog has legs ...

Me: Umm, yes a dog has legs, but the plant doesn't so how can it spread its seed?

Child: ... and poo!

Me: Again yes, but we're still talking about the watermelon plant. So the watermelon plant puts all its seeds into the biggest, sweetest, juiciest fruit it can grow

Child: And I eat it

Me: Yes! Yes you eat it. An then the pig comes along and nom, nom, nom it eats a bit ...

Child: And does a poo

Me: After a while, it does a poo, a bit like you. When you eat something it goes through your body and once you have taken all the ...

Child: And the seeds are in the poo.

Me: They are, but when you do a poo where are you?

Child: In the toilet

Me: OK I walked into that one. What I mean is that you are a long way away from the plant aren't you?

Baby: AH POO!

Me: You've done a poo?

Baby: Uh-oh! POO!!!

Me: A poo or a wee?

Baby: POO!

Keith: She's done a wee

Baby: A POO!!!!!

Child: And the pig does a poo too

Me: And the poo has seeds in it that will land in new soil and ...

Child: GROW INTO MORE WATERMELONS!!!

By this point I need a damn rest and I have missed out on most of the watermelon that the children have been shovelling into their faces between poo references. As a final insult, Miss Olive has spent the whole story throwing her gnawed watermelon rind at the side of my head to really emphasise the point that she is eating melon, and I am not.

Like I said, just wanted to write that down for future reference.

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