Sometimes I dread writing these blog posts because I can’t believe that some of this stuff actually happens to me. Any mathematicians out there I would LOVE to know whether I've officially hit longer odds with my pregnancy complications than winning the lottery because if not, I’m pretty sure I’m running a damn close second.
Yesterday was a day I could only describe as "batshitinsane". OK so I could maybe use a word like "surreal" instead but that wouldn't quite cover it. I’m choosing not to post about our brush with celebrity just yet, instead I want to tell you about the other thing that happened.
I passed a kidney stone – apparently.
Here’s the little fella in a photo I took to send to Keith because frankly, I had one foot planted in the land of WhattheHELL?!?! and the other dancing a jig of gratitude that finally, after weeks of “repeated UTIs” I finally felt instantly and gloriously better.
Anyone eating their lunch can skip the next section, it contains details.
[start of details]
So a few weeks ago I started peeing pink. Nothing else, just peeing pink. I went to the doctor who put me on antibiotics for the first time in years, and a week later I was back with the same symptoms. Test results had shown that there was no infection so like everything that happens at times like these, it was put down to the fact that I’m growing a human.
Cut to a week later and I have an evening where I can’t stop shivering, feel like my back is going to explode, and I need to puke like I’m appearing on that old TV gem, Jackass. I stripped off and took a hot shower and while it helped a little, but all I could think was “this feels like back labour, but wrong”. Trust me, I’m an expert in back labours, it was close, but something felt a little off.
Having retired for the night I woke up the next day feeling OK, and over the course of the next week I got another UTI which was just miserable. I’d given up going to the doctor by this point so went to the supermarket to get something to take the edge off the symptoms and hoped for the best.
[end of details]
Clearly the big man was listening because yesterday I went to the loo and felt instantly better in the way you do when you pop an enormous zit, or escape from an important formal occasion and let rip a epic fart (husband I’m looking at you).
Better, and also incredible confused as to how I’d managed to pick up a lump of gravel somewhere gravel should never be found.
I was so confused I actually ran through a list of possible ways one of my darling ankle biters might have sabotaged the laundry before slowly, everything started to click into place.
But why? If you run down the list of pregnancy complications this does not feature highly. In fact, just whatthehell?!?!?
I've paid my dues to weird pregnancy complications, my teeth went to ratshit with Alfie because of the aspirin, my heart went to hell with Esme because of ephedrine, I’m due a nice, calm, complication free ride this time!!
Yeah, turns out long term aspirin use can cause kidney stones.
Not me, because apparently that kind of information is entirely unnecessary to someone on their third aspirin fuelled pregnancy UNTIL THEY START PEEING ROCKS.
On the one hand I figure if this is the only weirdness I get this time round, I’ll take it and say a quiet prayer of thanks.
On the other hand, I’m wondering if I need to take out life insurance.