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It is so good to have the levels of testosterone back up to normal at FTC.

I did enjoy the break, but a week was long enough and the dog is a poor substitute for a welcome home snog. Plus the neighbours managed to block the drain yesterday and who would have dealt with that?

Something really weird has happened to me as a result of The Tails being away and instead of looking at the calendar wondering how many minutes there are left until the birth, I am now totally focused on enjoying these last few weeks as a family of three.

Last weekend we took full advantage of a “75p weekend” at the local cinema and took Alfie to see his first film. I was a little concerned that he might either get bored or distressed so I chose a film that neither Keith nor I wanted to see on the basis that we wouldn’t care if we missed it.

Clearly I had no need to worry, because if the film was lacking, the popcorn was not and Alfie managed to lay claim to the whole carton and growl at anyone else who dared put a hand near it. Growl, and slap our hands away.


He also screamed at several points in the film which was OK because the whole cinema was full of young children, but also presented an unique parenting challenge to Keith and I who were totally unable to deal with him for laughing.

Whoever in Madrid taught him how to scream like a teenage girl I have three words for you:

I.HATE.YOU.

My ears hate you.

In fact, everyone in central Bedfordshire now hates you.

There is part of me that wants to do a full on belly laugh at him when he runs around SCREECHING with a grin nailed to his face, but that part is getting drowned out by the pain in my ears, and the overwhelming urge to slap Keith round the face when he encourages Alfie by joining in.

Let’s hope he finds it as funny when Alfie fails to realise that homes and libraries have different rules.

Despite the utter chaos, I really had missed the random interjections in my otherwise normal day.

Last night I was in the shower when Keith burst through the door with a look on his face that gave me a good insight into a younger Keith on Christmas morning.

“I totally forgot to tell you!!”

“oookay” I say subtly putting his razor back on the shower tidy and straining to hear over the noise of the water.

“when we got to Madrid airport we had to go up the escalators and round to get to the baggage reclaim ... ”

“right”

“and when we got there ...... THERE WAS A HANDLE GOING ROUND THE CAROUSEL!!!!!”

After a brief pause there was only one response to that statement:

“NO. F’ING. WAY!!!!!!”

And suddenly both the interruption and the expression made perfect sense.

And I laughed.

In fact I laughed so hard I actually had to cut my shower short so I could carry on laughing without having to deal with water in my face at the same time.

If you need to know why such an innocent comment was so funny, look here

My belly hurt by the time I clambered into bed.

Which reminds me, for anyone looking at the update thinking c’maaaahn with the pregnancy news I do have something to share:

Braxton Hicks. Truly the highlight of my day.

Remember please that I didn’t have them last time, so this is all new turf to me (along with pelvic pain but that’s not quite so jolly) and it took me a while to work out what was going on. The only way I can describe how they feel to me is like an old fashioned lift stopping too fast or going over a humpback bridge – except that w’OH!! feeling in your throat lasts for minutes at a time.

I love it!!

I was expecting them to be uncomfortable or to focus on my back or belly and feel like achy muscles, I was totally unprepared to feel like I’m tipping off the top of a rollercoaster for half the day.

In some ways karmic justice since my entire department is leaving me behind to go to Alton Towers in a few weeks.

But then who needs Alton Towers when you have Braxton Hicks and hormones? WHEEEEEE!!!!

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